Showing posts with label Embarassing Moments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Embarassing Moments. Show all posts

Friday, November 21, 2008

A Most Embarassing Moment!

In February last year I posted a blog in which is quite amazing. If you haven't done it before .. try it now. If you have done it before ... scroll down to find out my terribly embarrassing moment in the UK.

Here is the puzzle -


THINK OF ANY NUMBER BETWEEN 2-9

MULTIPLY THAT NUMBER BY 9

NOW, ADD THE TWO DIGITS OF YOU NUMBER TOGETHER (FOR EXAMPLE, IF YOUR NUMBER IS 34, 3+4=7)

OK, GOT A SINGLE NUMBER NOW?

SUBTRACT 5 FROM YOUR NUMBER

NOW WE CONVERT YOUR NUMBER INTO A LETTER.
A=1, B=2, Z=26 ETC.

THINK OF A COUNTRY BEGINNING WITH THAT LETTER

TAKE THE SECOND LETTER OF THAT COUNTRY AND THINK OF AN ANIMAL BEGINNING WITH THAT LETTER

THINK OF THE COLOUR OF THAT ANIMAL

DO YOU GET ...

A...



A...



A...



A...
Em ....a.....


...
A GREY ELEPHANT FROM DENMARK??

Anyway, On my first weekend home I was preaching at Zion Church in Peterhead. There were tons of young people there and so I thought I would amaze them by the gray elephant thing. I even put into my PowerPoint presentation.

So I was in mid flow ... think of a number blah blah blah. At the end of the puzzle I asked "Who has a Gray Elephant from Denmark?" Very few! So I said, "I know you Peterhead folk .. a bit shy. I know that you all got a gray elephant from Denmark." Only a couple of my friends sheepishly put up their hands.

Later, In David Strachan's house, my brother Paul said, "You really blew the Denmark thing eh?" I was stunned. He said that I had forgot to include an important part - subtract 4! So all these poor people had the number 9 instead of 4, so their letter was I instead of D. So they all had green newts from India or black stallions from Israel! I was so embarrassed.

At least I can laugh about it now! So if you were there, my apologies. Hope no permanent psychological damage has occurred!

The only person that ever brings it up is a good friend Colin McLean from Cairnbulg, Scotland. He was there. But a few weeks later, I got revenge. We were watching Aberdeen play at Pittodrie and Aberdeen were awful. Colin stood up and shouted with his loudest voice, "Aberdeen ... you are a clower of showns!" Everybody heard it an laughed. So embarrassing. So next time you see Colin ask how the Clower of Showns are doing now! He said later that next time he would think about what he would shout ... but I reminded him that the worrying thing was that he did think before he shouted! Ha ha

But today, Colin sent me a new conundrum. Try it below. It is quite amazing.


YOUR AGE BY EATING OUT

Don't tell me your age; you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!

YOUR AGE BY DINER & RESTAURANT MATH


Don't cheat by scrolling down first ... and you may need a calculator!

It takes less than a minute. Work this out as you read .

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!


1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to Go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...

If you haven't, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e. How many times You want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are **YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is !)**

THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2008) IT WILL WORK!


Mmmm... amazing eh? Send this blog to your friends and let them work it out.
And if you ever do it publicly ... make sure you don't miss out a line!

Have a great day!

Friday, February 15, 2008

Our Valentine Blunder - The Truth after 21 Years!


Wehey .. we're back in action again! The internet was off from Mon-Thursday night ... but it is on today! Miracles DO happen ....

Well, yesterday was Valentines Day. Oh I remember the excitement of being a teenager wondering if ... maybe ... there would be at least one valentines card coming through my letterbox! Was there one girl that would like to show that they were a 'secret admirer'? We all pretended to be cool on Valentines Eve ... but deep down we were desperately praying, like Samson, 'just one more time Lord ... at least one valentine PLEASE!'

I remember when I was around 15 I suffered a tragic moment ... no valentines card on the 14th! Ultimate embarassment! You spend a whole year trying to act cool in fromt of the girls, cracking you best jokes, wearing your best clothes, trying to be nice to them ... and not even one showed enough interest as to send you a valentine card! Heartbreaking stuff for a mid-teen. But there was good news ... my best friend Ben Ritchie never got one either! And he was better looking than me. So at least I was not alone in my hidden grief. So we got together and hatched a plan ...

Next year we bought very nice feminine valentines cards. Yup, you guessed it. Ben wrote some lovely verses and stated how wonderful and handsome I was. He wrote things like HOLLAND (hope our love lasts and never dies). I did the same for him and we even faked the handwriting. Very lady like. I was impressed with my work and even more impressed with Ben's efforts as I opened it proudly (in front of my whole family) next morning. Off I went to school ...pretty chuffed. 'Of course I got a valentine' I would say to one person after another after another.

Problem. Ben's parents and my parents were, and still are, best friends. I cringe to tell you this but the truth must be told. Ben's mum noticed my beautiful card and made her way over to read it. I mean, you couldn't miss it ... standing there in the cabinet as big, pink and beautiful a card as you ever did see! As she picked it up, panick filled my once excited heart. I saw her face beginning to smile and then she looked at me eye to eye, " Did Ben send you this? I know his writing!"

Up until this point in my life this would have to be the most direct and difficult question I ever faced. Here I was, facing a woman of God whom I loved and respected so much ... and who knew the truth. Would I lie and possibly spend the rest of my life needing to ask forgiveness to Aunty Anne? Or would I tell the truth, bare all and hope for the best? At best, they would laugh, keep it a secret and use it as blackmail fodder. At worst ... it could be contrived as me and Ben coming out of the closet ... if you know what I mean! So I decided to take the truthful way out and take the consequences on the chin ... like a man.

Thankfully, they laughed, I almost killed Ben, we got over it, I went to Bible School, married a real woman and am now a missionary! I have never sent another valentines card to a man since that horrific moment. Honest. So there is hope after disaster! So to all you 12-16 year olds who pretend that you don't really care about valentines but we know you really do ... take some advice from the big man - if you aint got a valentine don't try and change it. Admit it ... some guys have it and some guys don't! Just pray you're a late bloomer and better days are ahead!

Nowadays it seems as if those halcion days are long gone. This year, I recieved two valentines ... from my kids (which they made at school and was really for their mum!) Mary said to me, "I don't want roses and I don't need chocolate ... but of you want me to have a great valentine day can you get me new containers for coffee, tea bags and sugar!" Oh how the mighty have fallen. Such a great event and momentous day , for me, has turned into a bit of a downer.

Never mind ... Ben, me old buddy, let's get our thoughts together and hatch a plan for next year - coz I'm 96.7% sure that you didn't get a valentine this year either!

Mmmmm....


(By the way, happy birthday to my dad - 62 today! Well done dad - you the best and we love you so much. Make sure that mum spoils you and that you have a great weekend. And dad .... did you buy mum a Valentines card this year? He used to be a hopeless romantic!)